A Sign from God about my Future Wife

Discussion in 'A&E archives' started by beneaththeblind, Sep 23, 2009.

  1. beneaththeblind

    beneaththeblind New Member

    I'm not sure exactly which section of the forum this belongs in, but it's a testimony/advice type of thread.

    To begin with, I'm a 16 year old male and there's this one girl that is incredible and I can't get over her or stop thinking about her. I know that this is spiritually unhealthy, but even after 3 years, I'm still obsessing over her. We know each other, but we were never friends or anything. However, about a year back I wanted an end to my constant sadness because I was not with her. So, I asked God in earnest one night to give me a sign that will tell me if she will be my future wife or not.

    After a little while of praying and crying, I was ready to ask for a sign. I asked God that if a red ring of light flashes in my eyes 3 successive times while they are closed, then she will be my wife. The reason I made that the sign is because I had seen these rings of light when my eyes were closed before, but they were white in color. Amazingly, a few moments later this very thing happened! At first, I was very joyful, relieved and thankful to God.

    But as time passed, I began to question if this miraculous sign from God was legit or not. For example, what if he was just testing me or did not mean the sign as I meant it? As well, these 'flashes' that I see when my eyes are closed happens to me sometimes even when I'm not praying to God, but the light is usually white in color.

    However, when God answered my prayer, the 3 flashes of light were the color red. Most of the time, these quick flashes go off while I'm trying to get to sleep, so it must be a natural occurence when you close your eyes. I am struggly with a bit of doubt if this sign was truly from God or if it really means that I'm marrying her, even thought it is quite obvious that God had answered my prayer.

    So, I have a list of questions that I would like one or more persons to answer if you all can help me out please. They are listed below. Thanks for reading! If you have any questions yourselves about this thread, feel free to ask.

    1. Does anyone know what I'm talking about when I describe these flashes of white or red light when my eyes are closed?

    2. If God truly meant it as a sign that she will be my future wife, then why couldn't he tell me in a clearer manner, such as coming to me in a dream, so that I wouldn't struggle with doubt?

    3. Why would God reveal something like this to me when Jesus says in the Bible that a wicked and evil generation looks for a sign? If it is not good to ask such a sign from God, then why would he give the sign that I requested to me?

    4. Finally, why didn't God give me future signs to confirm that the first one was real? I asked him for a second sign a few months ago, and I have asked him these very same questions to him myself, but he has not revealed the answers to them yet.
  2. Reon

    Reon New Member

    Welcome to the forum in your quest for help regarding this - good step to take I think. In regards to your questions:

    1) If you've been obsessing about this, then I could totally see how you would want something badly to happen - and even had seen it happen. The problem is that the sign you asked for has in a sense happened before and the color being red would seem to me to be for a number of reasons - biologically. Some musicians say they see colors when they play music and their eyes are closed on occasion. I remember one time I was at a restaurant, I love looking around at nature and while looking up in the sky, the way the sun was hitting what I believe to be the dust in the air caused there to be a ton of sparkles all throughout the sky. It was an incredibly weird experience that happened most likely because of the angle I was at, the dust in the air, and the way the sun was reflecting that day. I've seen stuff similar but that almost looked magical. I also remember as a kid when I closed and opened my eyes to see a white orb or glares move around, some feeling as though I could follow them. Really if I let my imagine have control for a second, they were actually leading me somewhere. Weird right? lol. I think theres scientific reasons for both of those two things from my past, but I want to point out a few things. One, maybe they did have something to do with the supernatural - I don't know. Second, if I let my imagination go wild I could easily create situations that I felt like I saw, for example them guiding me, when really they were just following the direction my eyes looked and I was fooling myself or creating the situation. In my personal opinion, I wouldn't personally base something like of what you saw on my future wife. God does do miracles and is miraculous, but theres a ton of basic relational principles He's given us in the Bible that are important. We can see in the Bible God blesses choices etc on promises Hes said and which I see as more important at the moment, the motive of our heart.

    2) Like I said earlier you could have created that situation in your head. You need to understand something, God doesn't HAVE to show you a miracle to confirm something. If you honestly have faith that God plans for her to be your future wife - then trust in Him (take a peek at Matt 6:33). The fact that you say your struggling with doubt points me at the this verse: (James 1:6-8) "But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. 7That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord; 8he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does." The verse right before that talks about asking God for wisdom. I'd suggest you do that first about the decision, ask God for wisdom and believe He will in fact guide you into the right decision - don't have doubt (it might not leave all at once, but remind yourself that God is faithful and just).

    3) God does directs us with signs - but to be honest I've dealt with what your dealing with. Theres a girl thats wanted to meet me, in love with God, incredibly good looking, does events - both her parents, my parents, and herself want to meet me. The more I think about it the more it distracts me from God's word. So I go before God and pray, God theirs a desire in my heart to meet this person, I believe your faithful and will guide me. Because this is becoming a huge distraction and actually drawing me away from "normal" time I spend with God - I know its being a distraction now. I don't think its wrong to think about it, but to become obsessive almost in my thoughts about it... definitely not helping in any area of my life. It causes worry, doubt, etc etc.

    4) Simply put, any trial just like this one is testing your faith. Do you believe God will provide and knows on top of that what your desires are? If you obey His laws, continue to seek His advice, similar to what you did in the forum (but I'd search scripture) and BELIEVE God's listening and wants the absolute best for you (read Jeremiah 29:11-13) - then I think you'll be fine.

    None the less I have my two best friends over hanging out with me - so I'ma pop the question you have their way (ones a youth pastor, both in their late twenties). Btw - they're pretty straight forward and I'm letting them type freely so try to see that they really just want to give you advice. I'm guessing there going to talk to you the way they talk to me, its blunt, its straightforward and I know they want the best for me so I take the advice and make sure it aligns with the word of God. Hope everything works out for you m8 - ttyl - Sincerely, Ryan F.

    1) Yes

    2) You asked for that, so if this is really God, he answered the way He wanted it, so why you complaining about it in the first place?

    3) An angel of a Lord came to talk to Gideon first and afterwards - Gideon asked God to confirm that this was Him through certain signs which God did.

    Other Friend:
    Heres my buddy who is a 29 year old male Christian. (gonna let him type it)

    Honestly at the age of 16, you don't have to think about getting married. Don't fall into the worlds view that you have to get married as soon as possible. There is a big blessing being single for a time and a season.

    Your 16, chill out! If you like this girl, ask her out. See if she likes you. But lets just be honest here. Your 16 years old, and pursuing a relationship with a girl towards marriage is a huge responsibility. Are you ready for this? Let me ask you. Do you have a job that you have benefits, health care, dental etc. Does your pay check offer you the amount to take care of you and your wife. Could you afford a child if you two had a baby?

    This is simply information that you need before you get married. If you are 16 I doubt that you have all your stuff together for you to pursue a relationship towards marriage with a girl.

    Okay if you are just pursuing this girl, because she has totally taken all your attention and you feel at the YOUNG age of 16 that this is all you want and all you will ever need, then i suggest that you ask this girl out and just become friends.

    Honestly, why date a girl unless you really want to get married to them. But a relationship a true relationship with a girl is hard. It's not all lovey dovey. It's like digging a ditch in the Godslobber, but once in awhile you find a diamond or chunk of gold.

    I am a youth pastor and I have to be true with you. At 16 bro chill out and just ask the girl out. If you think this is God's choice for you, great, praise God. Let God do all the work. Maybe you have to make the first step with asking her out, but if she says yes and you start a relationship don't fool around and kiss and all that stuff ment for marriage.

    If she says No then don't get discouraged. Maybe she is not ready or maybe she isn't the one. But if your 16 then your interest maybe the same age of younger and girls go through great changes over the years.

    Just be her friend and let God make all things come together. God doens't need your help. He can do it on His own.

    Oh ya about your fleese (Judges 6-8)before the Lord with your 3 glowing lights. If you want to hear God then ask Him to speak to you. He will do it any way He wants to you. God is not your monkey that you can tell Him what to do. God speaks through people, circumstances, dreams etc.

    If you really want to know if she is the one. Become great friends with her. Open up and share your feelings and dreams with her. Let her do the same. Develop trust and grow a relationship with each other. It's not easy, but if you really feel that this God's wife for you then go for it, but stay Holy iin your relationship with her. Don't get all worldly and start making out, petting and doing all the stuff meant for marriage. Honor God and keep her from sin. That is your duty as a man of God.
  3. beneaththeblind

    beneaththeblind New Member

    Thanks for the detailed and caring response. I appreciate it. Thanks to your friends as well for the wise advice and I like bluntness, so thats ok. I agree with mostly everything you said, but there's a few things that I think I need to clarify. For one, I have obsessive compulsive disorder, which is a mental disorder in where one repeatedly checks things, has to touch things in a certain way, doubts about many things etc. . i.e. washing hands constantly to avoid swine flu. I think this disorder that I have is majorly contributing to my doubt.

    Second, I apologize for not saying this in my first post, but God did actually give me another sign that I asked of him. But, I'm not sure about it and he didn't actually answer it in the EXACT way that I asked, but it's a pretty freaky coincidence. Alright, well after that sign which I thought was maybe just biological (like you said) I asked God that if the next license plate I see has the numbers 70121 (yes, I made up a random number lol) then it confirms that the first sign was real. Well, soon after asking for that sign, I came across this problem in my geometry homework:

    "Aarons license plate has three letters followed by a 4-digit number. The product of the digits is 210, their sum is 17, and the digits are in ascending order. What is the number part of the plate?" See what I mean? Those are the same exact numbers that I asked to see on a license plate.

    Again, sorry for not explaining that in the first place, my bad. I had other questions at the moment and I felt that that didn't need to be said.
    Last edited: Sep 24, 2009
  4. Zipster

    Zipster Captain Controversy Staff Member AY! Supporter

    I largely agree with what Reon said.

    At your age, I don't think real concern about your future spouse is necessary in the specifics. Trust and believe that God has already appointed that spouse for you; it may be the girl you want, or it may be someone else. Simply put: God won't pick the wrong girl, while we most likely will.

    So, trust his providence.

    About the signs, I would be wary of them. When we ask God for a sign, most often we end up looking for that sign, and can thus interpret things as that sign that are simply natural occurrences.

    When it comes to the red flashes, I don't have much doubt that it's a biological thing; the eyes are interesting, and as Reon stated, people see things when their eyes are closed. I vividly remember going on imaginary journeys when I was younger. I would close my eyes, and just look - not letting my eyes rest or move. I would see a plethora of shapes and colors as I traversed through what was like a magical journey. It's something that I can still do if I so desired to, and I'm lead to think anyone else can do it.

    When it comes to numbers, the principle of looking for the sign is even more real. You saw the numbers you asked for - to some extent - but how many other numbers did you see that day?

    I often joke with my friends that the number 117 stalks me because I see it pretty much everywhere. In honesty, though, I have simply unconsciously trained myself to pick out and distinguish the number 117 so that when I do see it, it sticks out above all the other numbers. This is the same principle behind many stereotypes; people notice the thing that fits the stereotype, and not everything else that contradicts it.

    So, take the "signs" you received with a grain of salt. Pray earnestly that just let his will be done, and let your focus be Him. When it's in his good time to bring forth your spouse, then he will be faithful to do just that. Until then, however, let the Lord be your focus.
  5. beneaththeblind

    beneaththeblind New Member

    You make a very good point about the numbers thing. That one is probably just a fluke. But I feel now that the first sign is completley legit. Think about it, I'm pretty sure you can't make rings of red light randomly flash while your eyes are closed just by wanting them to. Furthermore, I had never seen the flashes in the color red until I had asked that prayer, as well I had never seen them flash 3 times consecutively. If we consider it being a coincidence, then it would be an extremely unlikely coincidence.

    The sign I chose followed what I had said for it to be EXACTLY. God would surely not decieve me in this fashion with such a large coincidence. So therfore, I conclude that the sign was real and I'm marrying her, but I think the most important thing this experiance has given me is not the knowledge that she will be my wife, but that through this God has revealed to me that I need to work on trusting him and believing in his word and power. God works in miraculous ways.
  6. Reon

    Reon New Member

    I'm not saying your wrong - but if it doesn't happen the way you wanted it to - or not at all. I wouldn't blame God.

    My favorite verse is 1 Corinthians 8:2-3
    The man who thinks he knows something does not yet know as he ought to know, but the man who loves God is known by God.

    God bless bud.
    If you stick around the forum I'm sure you'll find it a blessing.
  7. Sweetoffee14

    Sweetoffee14 Ahvehraage Yoosehr

    I believe in signs and I believe God can tell you who you are to marry, I know alot of people claim to know who they are gonna marry and I know most of them get it wrong.

    I've reread your post a few times and I am concerned, the fact you've said yourself she is an obsession for you, it is spiritually unhealthy and caused you to have a depression like phase pulls up many red flags.

    I know two guys who knew who they were gonna marry and were right. The first had an image of her in his mind his entire life, met her in his late teens. The second would jokingly ask God if this was the woman for him with every woman he met expecting a no everytime, one day God said yes to his surprise in his mid 20s and they just had their first kid two days ago. In both cases it was more to do with their relationships with God than with the women, whether they knew or not doesn't really change anything regarding the wives but regarding God it requires so much faith, leaning on him and trusting him and trusting yourself.

    These men idolised God, they put him first, they were honoured to have the information and most of all they had peace about it. A sign from God brings peace and knowing, comfort about the situation and joy, there's something solid about it. In your post I don't see these things which does tell me at the very least if it is a sign from God it has been twisted and needs to be surrendered back to him and left for a bit.

    The devil can create signs too, this is why it is important to check your intentions when asking and your reactions to the sign, short term and long, and why you need more than just a sign to go on. Is there any other evidence you will marry her other than this one sign? And were your intentions when asking to get closer to God?
    Reon, Zipster, xspinningisfun and 3 others like this.
  8. Damaris

    Damaris Lovely Lady Staff Member

    You have already received much detailed advice, so I hope you will forgive me for being blunt in absolute kindness:

    You have stated that you struggle with obsessive compulsive disorder, and admit you have been obsessing over this girl for several years. You have said you know it's spiritually unhealthy. Why, then, do you believe that God would send you a sign that makes you more obsessed with this matter? The God I know frees people from their sins--He does not cause them to go deeper still. :(

    Thus I would encourage you to shift your focus to dealing with your obsession. I know that it is a medical condition, I know that this challenge is much harder for you than it would be for any one of us here responding for you, but regardless of that fact God calls you to return to Him in full repentance and ask Him to help you fight this obsession that has lured you away from the fullness of Christ. As long as you seek to satisfy your flesh craving for signs and certainty you will not know the peace of Christ. Don't expect God to support your sin; that's Satan's job. Rather, return to the Lord absolutely and completely and He will make your path straight.
    Zipster and (deleted user) like this.
  9. dreamergirl818

    dreamergirl818 God's Child

    I agree with Elen ^ And though many have already answered your questions, I think I'll still throw in my 2 cents.

    1. Does anyone know what I'm talking about when I describe these flashes of white or red light when my eyes are closed? Brain waves or something or other cause this. My mom and sister both have these kinds of things. It has something to do with how active your brain is. I get them every once in a while..

    2. If God truly meant it as a sign that she will be my future wife, then why couldn't he tell me in a clearer manner, such as coming to me in a dream, so that I wouldn't struggle with doubt?
    While I do believe that God can speak to people through dreams and such, I think that it's a very rare occasion that He does. God gave us the Bible which has the answers to everything we could need.. why would He need to tell us more?

    3. Why would God reveal something like this to me when Jesus says in the Bible that a wicked and evil generation looks for a sign? If it is not good to ask such a sign from God, then why would he give the sign that I requested to me?
    Well, you don't even know for sure that this was from God. You know, so many times I wanted to ask God for a sign, but I always realized in the end that no matter what happened, I would convince myself that what I wanted was from God. It's so easy to have your mind play tricks on you, how do you know that you didn't convince yourself that the rings were red simply because that's what you wanted. I know it's already been said, but at your age, marriage shouldn't even be a consideration. Sixteen is way too young for something like that. Just because you've liked this girl for years, doesn't mean that she's the one God has for you. I once liked a guy for over two years, and I was convinced that it was love, because I am a very impulsive person who loses interest in things quickly. To me it seemed like two years was an amazingly long time, but let me tell you, until death do you part is an even longer time! Now this girl might be the one God has for you, come six years from now when you're ready for marriage, but that's a long way off. Don't rush into relationships. Enjoy the season of waiting, cause let me tell you, you have your whole adult life to look for marriage. Right now you should be enjoying the time God has given you to be single.

    4. Finally, why didn't God give me future signs to confirm that the first one was real? I asked him for a second sign a few months ago, and I have asked him these very same questions to him myself, but he has not revealed the answers to them yet. Like I said before, I'm not too convinced that the first was even a sign from God to begin with. I would continue to pray about this, and instead of asking for a sign, ask Him for wisdom to know how to handle this situation. Proverbs says that God will grant us wisdom if we ask Him to.

    To God be all glory!
  10. beneaththeblind

    beneaththeblind New Member

    Thanks everyone, for the helpful responses. I see now how foolish I was to ask for those signs and obsess over it. I need to trust God and put my future into his hands. Now, when something or someone starts to slowly envelop my thoughts, I need to stop the infatuation or obsession in it's first stages and ask God to help me fight them.
    livlife_4Christ likes this.
  11. Damaris

    Damaris Lovely Lady Staff Member

    You're welcome; I'm so glad we could help!

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